So yesterday I was keeping track of my food and I was doing pretty good....I went for a bit of a walk yesterday morning and then I went to an AMAZING yoga class last night.
Before I left, there was some upheaval that I haven't had to deal with in a while, upheaval that I don't want to go into detail because it effects more people than just me. The upheaval carried over to when I returned home, which totally ruined my yoga bliss, but it is what it is. The main purpose behind me even mentioning this is because of what it has done to my day today.
So, needless to say that today has been rough. I have pushed so hard to try and function. I even ventured to Walmart this morning to get a tool kit so I could hang some stuff up. I was going to try and go get some other stuff that we need for the house and what not, however, as soon as I got back in the truck after going to Walmart I just wanted to cocoon...my anxiety and especially my depression was not being my friend. So, I decided to go home and do the rest of my shopping from the comfort of my blanket/cocoon which is so awesome to be able to do! Amazon/Prime/Now are all the anxiety sufferers best friend. So thanks to that, we have our water softener, whole house water filter, fridge filters, whole house humidifier, new floaty thing for Bryson for the pool and a small play structure for the backyard coming....damn Amazon rocks.
Today is one of those days where I am looking for something to fix the things that are wrong. For years how I tried to fix what was wrong is to move, and I moved a lot. Many people started calling me a gypsy...which I was confused why that was a bad thing...being a gypsy sounds awesome to me. However, I know that isn't a possibility because I have kids and people in my family that need stability and even though it would make me happy it wouldn't really because everyone else would be unhappy. So, mark my words, when I get old I will have a home base in Sedona and I will be a gypsy most of the time.
Woah, that was a tangent...ok back on track...so yes I am trying to fix things, by researching, by buying (which I caved to, but I stuck to items we needed... semi-success.) The huge problem with the researching how to fix me, fix my situation, fix my family, fix my life in general is that it just creates more anxiety...which then digs deeper into the depression and into the "I just want to curl up and go to sleep" feeling. Here is the reality of it all, that I have a hard time with, but I know to be true...the only thing I can fix/tweak/alter is my thought process. Once my thought process is fixed things won't seem as bad and then the things that I can't fix/control/change will hopefully be easier to manage because I won't be fighting within myself. So, I figure in time, once I get healthcare, or find something that can help me learn to think differently, that I will be much better off.
Just as a disclaimer, even though I go through all this my kids are always taken care of. I am able to still take care of them, make them lunches, change the little ones diaper, play with them from the comfort of my cocoon. The littlest loves to cuddle so that makes things nice.
I don't really have much to say on the way of eating and exercise today just because like I said it has taken a lot to just function. Putting thought into everything else today is too much. However, I did have a smoothy this morning for breakfast with the Vega French Vanilla powder, frozen berries and vanilla almond milk and it was delicious and filling! So, I am pretty sure that is going to be an almost every day thing. Thanks to my sister-in-law for mentioning it!
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