This weekend was a interesting weekend. My ex-husband surprised our son on Friday by visiting from California and he stayed at our house. Which was totally fine and we don't mind (neither Josh nor I). It worked well, everyone got along and Austin had a good time which is great. It disrupted our normal expectations a bit which caused small rifts in our life, but that will happen anytime you add someone to a house, even for a short bit of time. The rifts were temporary and hopefully things will fall back into place today.
So, I missed blogging yesterday, which is totally fine and I refuse to beat myself up about it. As far as eating goes this weekend. It was horrid. Way too much soda especially and my night time eating, ugh, it is just the worst thing. I have quit drinking soda so many times just to go back to it, the Original Coca-Cola is my worst enemy. I know it is horrible for you, I know the sugar content is out of this world and I know that I might as well be drinking battery acid. Taste, comfort and memory are the three sirens of my food life. I think that the taste siren can be reprogrammed to like other tastes. I think this will take time and a huge amount of self-control. I think eating for comfort and from memory just needs to be forgot about which again will take HUGE amounts of self-control. I need to replace the habits with new ones. I am actually going to start writing down exactly what I eat today. I think this is necessary and will help with putting the comfort food and memory food in my mouth. So, we will see if I can stick to that.
Exercise wise, I am going to walk today. I live in a neighborhood now so it should be relatively easy to do this, its just about getting my butt out the door. I have also already scheduled to attend a yoga class tomorrow night. I miss yoga very much. I have been having anxiety about judgment and my inabilities. So, tomorrow night I am going to try to push through that. I know I can do this, I have done it before. Not so much since we have moved, but I can do it.
Now, overreacting, this is a result of my anxiety. This would accurately describe my last blog post. This would also describe how I reacted yesterday when we couldn't find Darren and he was in the garage. When my anxiety is out of control, overreacting is just a natural occurrence. This effects EVERYONE, the kids, people I don't even know, but especially my husband who deals with his own demons. I feel like if I can get my anxiety under control that I can eliminate or at least reduce how I overreact. I also feel like how I tend to overreact may be partially a learned habit. I have learned to tone it down a bit over the years, but not the overreacting due to my anxiety. It's time to redirect that energy. Hopefully, through exercise and yoga that can be accomplished.
So, typically Monday mornings are worst for my depression. There is just something about my husband going to work and my oldest going to school and heading back into the hum drum of life that really hits me. It is mainly me "crazy thinking" about everything that I need/want to accomplish. This list grows fast which helps my anxiety grow fast which helps my depression kick in. This is the time most often that I grab my favorite blankey and just sit on the couch watching my children play and looking for the fix all in the land of the Internet. Now, how I plan on counteracting that....going for a walk this morning and accomplishing one load of laundry. If I can complete that I have told myself that I have succeeded and that even if I don't get anything else done, I am doing great. I am hoping with a bit of positive thinking and obtainable goals that I can avoid this dark hole known as Monday morning.
So far I have my new cup filled with water and I plan on only putting water and chamomile tea in my body today.
I hope anyone who plans on taking time out of their day to read my crazy ramblings has an amazing day!
With love, Tara
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